NaNoWriMo 2017: Master President-2

MASTER PRESIDENT-2
INT. THE OVAL OFFICE - DAY
The seat of power! Well, more of a reclining divan, now.
PRaptor is stretched out around the office at the back, in front of the window overlooking the Rose Garden. Instead of a desk and chair, he has a long, padded bench, rising a bit at the front, upon which he lays full length on his belly. Underneath his head and front claws, a vast expanse of glass glows with windows, charts, graphs, and IMs.
President Putin of Russia is currently in a small window to the side, looking irate.
PRESIDENT RAPTOR
Putin, buddy, pal! How's it goin'? Oligarchy workin' out for ya?
Putin grimaces in frustration.
VLADIMIR PUTIN
(good, solid, boomy surround sound)
President Raptor, I thought we had an agreement on the Ukraine, yes? My Little Green Men would come in with minimal invitation and your NATO forces would -- overlook -- certain procedural irregularities.
PRaptor grins into the camera set at the "top" of his work-space.
PRESIDENT RAPTOR
Vlad, babushka -- would I lie to you? The Ukraine is full of your LGM and nary a NATO soldier to be seen. You're in like sin!
Putin huffs.
VLADIMIR PUTIN
"In like sin!" You told everyone that little green men were all over Ukraine! This is very poor operational security!
The tip of PRaptor's tail twitches.
PRESIDENT RAPTOR
I didn't let anything leak, little buddy. I just told the world that Little Green Men were finally visiting us in the Ukraine!
VLADIMIR PUTIN
And now I have a hundred thousand "independent observers" wandering around the countryside with cameras and video looking for little green men from outer space! It's a travesty! An insult!
PRESIDENT RAPTOR
But absolutely no NATO observers. Not a single one.
Putin wrinkles his nose and fumes.
PRaptor grabs a huge cup with an enormous straw sticking out the top and takes an enormous slurp.
PRESIDENT RAPTOR
Also this polonium milkshake is to die for. Seriously, best gift a head of state ever sent me. This is some great shit.
Putin goes pale.
VLADIMIR PUTIN
I... You're welcome, President. Though I think you'll find that the Russian government has no part of gifting this milkshake.
PRaptor cocks his head as if listening to a far away song.
PRESIDENT RAPTOR
Oh, you sent it. I know a great milkshake maker when I see one. I won't forget your awesomeness, Vlad.
Count on it.
Diane Killian slips in from the side door and whispers in PRaptor's ear-hole. There are some short, sharp gestures of cutting or chopping and a pained grimace.
PRaptor nods and begins to rise from the divan with a sigh.
PRESIDENT RAPTOR
Sorry, babushka. Real business calls. This one weird trick will let you captivate millions; politicians hate it!
DIANE KILLIAN
Sir, the cameras will be rolling in ten.
PRESIDENT RAPTOR
See you, Vlad. Count on it.
His long, forked tongue flicks over the screen and the Russian's panel pops away.
PRESIDENT RAPTOR
He hates it when I do that. "Like getting kissed by a snake," he says once the camera's off and he's getting blown by his top aide. As if I'd kiss him! I know where that mouth's been!
Diane produces a large brush and begins very lightly putting powder on PRaptor's brows and nose tip.
PRESIDENT RAPTOR
Jesus, Diane. You're the fucking press secretary, not my make-up lady. Why do you always --
DIANE KILLIAN
Because they always fuck it up, is why. There. Now you won't blind the cameramen. Scales are just too shiny, man.
PRESIDENT RAPTOR
And your T-zone's a mess.
He flicks a few panels around with his tail, looking discomfited.
PRESIDENT RAPTOR
The Saudis cleaning house, Iran getting froggier, Syria still a mess... Thank Hell for the Koreans, am I right?
Diane smirks.
DIANE KILLIAN
No, Mister President, thank you.
PRESIDENT RAPTOR
Yeah yeah. A little decapitation here, a little gut-ripping there, pretty soon you have a functional democracy.
DIANE KILLIAN
The Saudis might see it that way, too. I've already put out our intention to stay out of their mess.
PRESIDENT RAPTOR
Probably for the best. Not as much fun, but best. We'll let it heat up out there, let the Iranians get the Houthi jumpier, then maybe jump in to play bad cop / worse cop.
DIANE KILLIAN
Which one are we again?
PRESIDENT RAPTOR
Haven't decided yet. Could go either way.
Diane picks a few pieces of fuzz off his chest left from the divan. He rolls his eyes.
PRESIDENT RAPTOR
You're never going to touch my hemipenis, you know.
DIANE KILLIAN
(coy)
Oh, c'mon. Just a little? They say two heads are better than one.
PRESIDENT RAPTOR
You don't even have a compatible orifice!
DIANE KILLIAN
You'd be surprised what you can do outside of orifices!
PRaptor claws briefly at the top of his head before trudging toward the side door.
PRESIDENT RAPTOR
I think you sent me an entire photo set.
Diane follows.
DIANE KILLIAN
And you never did say thank you.
PRaptor pauses, looks over his shoulder.
PRESIDENT RAPTOR
Thank you. Now stop checking out my tail.
DIANE KILLIAN
I'm gonna Weinstein ya, sir.
PRESIDENT RAPTOR
I'll get the plant ready.
They both grin. Exunt, stage right.

Location: Lawrenceville, GA 30046, USA

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

5150: Free Trader Beowulf

5150: Free Trader Beowulf Introduction Why? How? Rules Tweaks Fighter Command Hangars for Cargo Urban Renewal Metal Madness (Toxic Build-Up) Toxic Build-Up Increasing Toxic Build-Up Decreasing Toxic Build-Up Social Implications Fighter Command Running Loops Available Loops Ship Designs Civilian Mercantile Free Trader Beowulf Star Navy Fighter Command Character Designs Captain Marlin Rath (Gaea Prime Basic) Urban Renewal Fighter Command XO Uranth-Ta (Ex-Zhuh-Zhuh Empire Gorantha) Urban Renewal Fighter Command Tech Specialist na’Tat Li Mae (Hishen) Urban Renewal Fighter Command Jacker “Zero” (New Hope Basic) Urban Renewal Fighter Command Scenarios Urban Renewal Get the Money and Run (Cargo) The Set-Up The Lead Shady Jobs Spending Time in the Shade Job Descriptions Wages Star Navy Mayday, Mayday Objective Forces Deployment Special Instructions Victory Conditions Fighter Command This Is Free...
Read more

[POLITICS] Social Deduction Games and the Erosion of Political Trust

Image
A Rift of Wants I’ll admit, it’s been quite a while since I’ve had time and inclination to sit down, pull up the old blogging software, and really set in on breaking down ideas and sharing some insights that I’ve had. After all, my personal experience is built out of a weird space. I’m an ex-software engineer. I’ve spent most of my life studying games, of one sort or another, with a focus on tabletop. I’ve written a couple of books on gaming, have an extensive library of tabletop role-playing games, wargames, and story games. I’ve been a games journalist, actually getting paid to write about what I think regarding games. When you get right to it, you can think of me as an escapee from House Tytalus into the real world – and that parallel alone says entirely too much about me. But that doesn’t preclude me from being a political animal. Whether I want to or not. In particular, over the last two years all of us have become intimately familiar with the efforts of government...
Read more

[LOCAL NEWS] The Model Confederacy

Image
The Model Confederacy So my local government has done it; they have decided one of the most important periods in American history, one that the Social Justice Warriors lean on as one of the prime motivators and excuses for ever-increasing authoritarianism in the pursuit of justice, never happened. The American Civil War is no more. Never happened. And with it, obviously there must have never been an issue with slavery in the United States – or else we would've fought a war over it. And after that war, there certainly weren't any acts of reconciliation, magnanimous allowances to the defeated in order to allow them some measure of dignity in the course of a return to actual unity. LAWRENCEVILLE, GA — The Gwinnett County Board of Commissioners has approved a resolution to move a controversial Confederate monument into storage while court proceedings revolving around the 28-year-old monument continue. The monument sits on the grounds of Gwinnett County's Historic Cour...
Read more